Chapter 6- Prom

    When Cera and I got home, a white van with a giant pink flower on the side pulled into the driveway behind us.  I got out of the car as the plump and scruffy man came up to me.
    “Are you Lily Hawthorne?” He asked in a monotone voice.
    “Um, yeah…?” What was going on?  “Why?”
    He retreated to his van and opened the back door.  Oh my gosh, was he going to kidnap us?  Did he have a gun in the back?  Was he going to kill us?  All of these thoughts faded away as he pulled a bright bouquet of flowers from the van.  He came back, handed them to me and drove away.
    “Who are they from?” Cera came up beside me and was admiring the flowers.
    “I don’t know.”  I wasn’t searching for the card quite yet.  Instead I was focused on the pinks, reds, and yellows of the flowers.  There were sunflowers, roses, and in the back there was a bright, white lily.
    “Well, whoever they’re from…they’re trying to tell you something Lily.”  She smelled the giant lily in the middle of the bouquet.  I turned the bouquet around and found the card tucked underneath some leaves. 
I opened it up.

Prom Night, 11pm.  Be there, on the dance floor.  We’ll be waiting.

    “Cera, they’re for both of us.  Look.” I handed her the tiny card with the creepy message.
    She read the card and squealed.  How did she not find that creepy? 
    I would let her have her moment, so I went inside to put the flowers in a vase.  She followed me inside carrying our dresses, shoes and masks. 
    We brought them all upstairs and set them out.  Cera turned to me and said, “This is so exciting.” She was literally jumping up and down with excitement.
    I just rolled my eyes and put in my iPod.

    The week before prom flew by.  All of my friends talked about it nonstop and by the end of the week I wanted to punch the next person who said the word ‘prom.’ 
    On Saturday Cera came over to get ready and five hours later we were finally ready. 
    Cera wore her gorgeous red hair down with loose curls that ended just below her shoulders.  She had a piece pinned back on the right, which was held in place by a gorgeous gold clip.
    I wore my hair up so my petite shoulders were more noticeable.  It was in an elaborate up-do and I had tiny curls sweeping around my face.
    My mother took a couple of pictures of us and we climbed into the Jeep.

    It wasn’t the most elegant way to arrive to prom, but who cares.  I certainly did not, and Cera was too excited to notice our ride.
    I watched silently from the Jeep as limousines rode up and deposited girls and boys at the school.  Every single color of the rainbow filled the gym. 
    All of the harsh fluorescent lights were turned off, and tiny lights sparkled from their place on their strings surrounding the gym.  There were tables of food surrounding the dance floor, but the girls treated those tables as if they were monsters that couldn’t be touched.  A giant bowl of pink punch was dead center of the mounds of food, but there was a chance it was already spiked. 
    I looked around the gym, and saw that the prom committee tried to make it look medieval.  There were fake stone statues in the four corners, and fake greenery surrounded the hardwood floor.  Gold trimmings were everywhere, and combined with the lights, the gym seemed to be thrown back into the past.
Cera and I made our way over to the tables and sat down.  Suddenly Cera jumped up and extended her hand. 
    “What?” I looked up at her from my place at the table.
    “Well we didn’t get dressed up and come here so we could sit.  Come on, we’re going to dance.” I put my hand in hers and she led me to the dance floor.  We danced together for four or five songs until I had to take a break. 
    “Cera,” I shouted over the loud music.  “I’m going to sit down, it’s starting to get really hot.”  I hoped she could hear me over the pounding bass of the song. 
“Okay!  I see Mary and Riley across the gym.  Just join us when you get a second wind!” She turned and went to find the other two girls. 
    I elbowed my way out of the crowd and went back to my table.  It was not littered with plates and cups, and I had to push some of them away just so I could sit.  I pulled off my tiny, silver shoes and rubbed my heel.  I hadn’t realized how much it hurt until I sat down. 
    I could feel a blister coming on, and mentally cursed at myself for not sticking Band-Aids in my bag.  I looked at the dance floor and watched as the girls shimmied awkwardly, while others rubbed their butts on the guys who were smiling behind them. 
    I was glad to have a couple of minutes to myself, but longed for a quieter place.  I put my tiny shoe back on and made my way to the bathroom. 
    When I walked in I was engrossed in a cloud of perfume and make- up.  Girls were fixing their faces, while others were touching up their hair with hair spray.  I coughed and made my way over to the empty mirror on the other side of the room.  I crossed discarded panty- hose, loose purses, and single shoes.  I looked at myself in the mirror.
    My silver eye shadow was beginning to fade, and my eyeliner was smudged a little underneath.  I grabbed a paper towel, wet it and then dabbed underneath my eyes. 
    Then I turned my attention back to my image in the mirror.  I looked at my hair and noticed the tiny curls around my face were starting to fall out.  I tried my best to fix what I could, and started to make my way back to the dance.  I stepped over the strewn accessories, and when I reached the door a girl burst in and almost knocked me to the ground. 
    It was Catherine.
    She was crying, her mascara was running down her cheeks and she angrily wiped them away.  As I was leaving, I heard a bunch of girls from the bathroom screech in protest as Catherine barged through them and into a stall of her own. 
    I didn’t want to stay any longer and get wrapped up into the drama, so I darted through the door and back to the gym.
    I scanned over the crowd looking for Cera and the others.  When I couldn’t find them over the masses of teens, everybody was wearing a mask so that made it especially hard, I made my way back to my little table. 
    I sat down right as a slow song came on.  I watched as every guy pulled his date closer.  After a couple of seconds everybody had a partner.  It made me wonder where Cera was.  Who was she dancing with?  But knowing Cera she had probably found her masked mystery man and was dancing with him.
    My foot bounced to the beat of the song and I closed my eyes.  I tried to seclude myself from the dance in order to collect my thoughts. 
    “It isn’t like a pretty girl to sit alone.” A guy said behind me.  I jumped around in my seat to see who the mystery person was.  But stupid me forgot that it was a masquerade ball, and I couldn’t see whom the person was behind the blue mask. 
    “Oh…” I stammered.  Who was this? “I’m not sitting alone.”  He didn’t believe me, because I obviously was sitting alone.  So I continued.  “I’m serious.  I’m just waiting for my friend to turn up from…somewhere.”  I took this moment to turn around in my chair and search for Cera again.  I was hoping that he would take the hint that I wanted him to go away, but he persisted. 
    “Well maybe you could dance with me until she turns up.”  He came around to face me from the front, and held out his hand.
    I could practically hear Cera now.  Are you stupid?  This is your mystery man.  Go for it you idiot!  She would shriek at me if I didn’t take this opportunity.  So I put my hand in his and let him lead me to the dance floor. 
    The DJ played another slow song since everybody was already paired up.  I looked at the unknown boy and tried to figure out who it was.  Did he know who I was?
    I noticed how he had his hair slicked back.  The brown was so dark it looked almost black.  I couldn’t see the color of his eyes, and his mask covered the whole top half of his face. 
    There was no way I was going to figure out who this was.  I would have to ask him.  We were among all of the other teenagers and he pulled me closer.  I put my arms around his neck and he placed his on my hips.  He kept a safe distance as if he was afraid to get too close.  Maybe he didn’t know who I was and he just wanted to dance so he didn’t look like a loser.
    I was the first to break the awkward silence.  “So…are you going to tell me your name?”  I looked up at the mystery man.  He chuckled and I felt it vibrate through him.
    “Now…” he started.  “Why would I do that?” He looked down at me and his boyish grin made me blush.
“Well I mean, you did ask me to dance.” His grin got wider.  “And it would only be polite to exchange names.  It’s logical really.”  Then he laughed again.  It was a nice laugh.  One filled with genuine humor.
“Why don’t we just live in the moment?” I looked up at him with questioning eyes.  “Okay fine.  How about we ask each other three questions, and then we’ll know each other better without actually revealing our names?”
    Who was this guy?  And why wouldn’t he just tell me his name?  “Fine.” I said simply.  “You start.”
    “Okay, what’s your favorite color?” He peered down at me and humor filled his eyes again.
    “Really?” His smile lessened a bit.  “That’s really your question?” What a lame question.
    “Yes, that’s really my question.  But I have a sneaky suspicion that I already know your answer.”  I had to admit that his boyish grin was quite charming.
    “And how exactly would you know that?” I said challengingly. 
    “I’m a mind reader.” He said it as if it should be obvious.  Who was this guy?  And why did I find his charm so frustrating and annoying at the same time?
    “Oh really?” I looked down at my feet, and then back at him.  “Then what is my favorite color?” I waited patiently while he closed his eyes and pretended to read my mind. 
    “Blue.” He beamed and his smile grew wider as he saw the shock spread across my face.  How did he know?  Who was this guy and how did he know that?  I slowed my thoughts and listened to the rational side of my brain.
    Well, blue was a common favorite color.  And then I remembered the color of my dress.  It was blue, and so it was obvious that it was my favorite color.  I was being irrational and jumping to conclusions.  How could I think that this adorable guy was some sort of creepy stalker just because he guessed my favorite color?
    Wow.  I’m messed up.  I over think things way too much.  My thoughts moved to a normal pace and I resumed our conversation.
    “Okay, so?” I just wanted to smack that giddy grin right off of his face.  “So what?  You guessed my favorite color that doesn’t mean you can read minds.” I shook my head at him, and as I did my mask fell slightly from my face. 
    I reached up to fix it, but the boy’s fingers wrapped around mine and wouldn’t let me.  “What are you doing?” I said slightly annoyed.  I fumbled with one hand to try and readjust it but he still wouldn’t let me. 
    “Take it off.” He said simply.  Who did he think he was?  I couldn’t see and he was restraining me, but why?  This was a masquerade ball.  A dance that was oriented around masks and that was the point.  This was ridiculous.   You didn’t take your mask off at a masquerade ball. 
   “What?  No.  Why would I do that?”  I was still fumbling with my mask, but he had it almost down now.    “Hey, stop it.”  I removed my other hand from around his neck to help pull back the mask.  I had both hands on the mask and was trying to pull it back up, but it was no use. 
    I let the unknown boy pull down my mask.  He stared into my eyes like he had just seen light after ten years of living in the dark.  What was he looking at?  My make up was probably all messed up, and I was probably sweating.  Goodness, why did he was to see this?
    “There.  My mask is off.” I looked up at him.  We weren’t touching now and we had stopped swaying to the music.  “But what about you, huh?  You know who I am, don’t I get to know who you are?”  He was infuriating. 
    But he just laughed and said, “I don’t think so.  Besides, you look better without the mask.”
    He reached back for me like he wanted to go back to dancing.  “Um, I don’t think so.”  He looked confused and stopped coming towards me.  “You can’t just pull off my mask and reveal my identity,” okay maybe I was being melodramatic, but it was necessary, “and you just want to go back to dancing?  I don’t think so.  Not until I know who you are.”  I crossed my arms and stood my ground.
    “Wow.” He said, “you always were so stubborn.  But that’s okay, I understand.”  I was always so stubborn?  Who was he?  Did I know this guy?  Well he obviously knew who I was.  I was too dumbfounded to speak, but when I finally did, I had to use every fiber of my being to not explode on him. 
    Very carefully I said, “You don’t know anything about me.”  I started to walk off, but he followed. 
    “Oh don’t I?” He said sneakily from behind me.  I had to find Cera.  She would rescue me from this guy.    
    “You would be surprised.”  Okay now that was just creepy.  I picked up my pace to a slight trot and went through the masses of bodies.  The only thing on my mind was finding Cera and getting away from the dark haired boy.  But he kept following me.  He finally caught up with me and whisked me away from the crowd.  I struggled in his grip, but it was pointless. 
    I let him removed me from the crowd of teenagers and take back towards the tables.  Only we didn’t stop at the tables, we kept going back to the corner.  He backed me the corner and forced me to look him in the eyes.  It wasn’t a rough forcefulness, but it was gentle and I wasn’t scared. 
    “What do you want?” I whispered.  Why wouldn’t he just leave me alone?  Had he just become a creepy stalker for good now?
    “I just wanted to explain to you that, yes, I did know you before tonight.  I knew you very well.”  Where was he going with this?  He could have let me walk off and wonder who it was, and now he was just making it all worse.  “I sent you those flowers because I wanted to dance with you, and have fun tonight because you don’t think I’m a stand up guy.”  Confusion spread across my face, and he could tell so he continued to explain.  “What I’m trying to say is, I wanted you to get to know the real me before you knew who I was.  That way you would see that I’m not the same jerk I was.” 
    I never got to respond, because at that moment the worst piercing scream erupted from the back of the gym.  I would never forget that sound for the rest of my life. 
I barged around from the mystery boy, and looked up at where all of the people were staring.  It all happened so fast, I didn’t see any faces.
    A girl was up in the top level of the gym.  It was above the bleachers that had been pushed back from the dance.  She was in a light purple dress and her light brown hair flowed down her back. 
She was going over the railing, and before I knew it she was gone.  The gym went silent as we watched the girl go over the side of the railing.
    The mystery boy grabbed me and turned me around before I could see her hit the ground, but I heard it and it made me want to burst out in tears.  I buried my face into his chest as the teachers and chaperones screamed for everybody to stay back. 
   Who was the girl?  Who had fallen?  And who was possibly dead?  My mind reeled back to the light brown hair.  I had seen that hair some time tonight.
    Catherine.  Oh my God, it was Catherine. 

Chapter 5- Prom Prep

    When I got home, I slammed the front door shut and kicked off my shoes by the door.  What the hell was that?  Who was Kevin talking about?  Did somebody tell him to run with me?
    My mind kept reeling as I darted up the stairs. 
    I grabbed a towel out of the hall closet and went into the bathroom.  I started the water for a shower- waiting for it to heat up.  As I waited for the warm water, I peeled off my spandex and workout shirt.  I climbed into the now warm water, and continued to think.
    I let the heat soak into my pores, cleansing me and allowing my mind to think more rationally. 
    It could have been Jason who put Kevin up to the run.  Jason could want to know how I felt about him.  But if Jason wanted to know, then he would have just come up and asked me?
    It could have been Rachel.  Rachel always used Kevin to get tabs on Jason.  That’s probably how she knew how Cera struck up a conversation with them last weekend.
    I continued to think through my list of possible people, but none of the pieces came together.  Nothing clicked. 
    When I started to get frustrated, I turned up the heat and let the water pour over me.  It cascaded down my head and down my back.  My frustration rinsed away with the suds from the shampoo.  All my anger seeped down the drain, and when I stepped out of the shower I felt like a snake once it sheds its skin.
    I wasn’t tense any longer, I wasn’t angry either.  There was a nagging at the back of my thoughts about my conversation with Kevin, but I stuffed that back down and continued into my room.
    I changed in to my favorite flannel pajama bottoms, and a baggy T-shirt.  I climbed underneath my covers and broke open my book.  It was when I started to doze off that I pushed my marker into my book and set it on the bedside table.
    I slid underneath the covers, and for the first time in a year, I dreamed.
   
    It was a crisp summer day.  All of the cold and darkness of winter was melted away and a warm and fresh day was left in its place.  It was the type of place that you hear about in fairy tales.  The field went on for what seemed like forever and flowers bloomed everywhere.  The pinks, purples, and yellows reminded me of a child’s coloring book. 
I looked down at myself and saw that I was wearing a pale blue dress.  It was strapless and it stopped right before my knees.  The bottom had intricate, silver beading and a fine white lace surrounded the skirt.
    “It matches your eyes.”  I spun around to find the owner of the voice.  It was Jason.
    I blush as Jason refers to the color of my dress.  “No it doesn’t.”  I looked down at the grass.  Jason got up and walked over to me.  He grabbed my face in his hands and pulled me up to look him in the eyes.  I inhaled sharply and held my breath.  I looked into his chiseled features and they were so perfect it almost hurt to look at.  His deep eyes wanted me to get lost in them. 
    “Yes.  It does.”  We stared at each other for a couple of seconds before he said, “It’s the color of the sky on a cloudless day—the light blue that lets you know a perfect day is on its way.”  Pink rushed to his face, but he continued to talk.  “The color suits you well, because whenever I’m with you it is a perfect day.” 
    My face was still cupped in his hands and he leaned down.  He placed his lips on mine and my head started to spin.  His touch was light and cautious, but when I let him continue to kiss me, he pressed harder.  His kiss told me that he had been waiting to do this for a while and was reluctant to let go.
    He pulled back, and a tiny part of me was sad when he did.  I opened my eyes, but it wasn’t Jason’s face I saw. 
    It was the main hallway of our high school.  I could barely tell because all of the windows were boarded and the lights were off.  Panic seeped into my pores at the thought of somebody else being in here with me.  How would I get out?  And who the hell boarded up the windows?  We had school Monday…so somebody was going to have to do something about that. 
    I turned to see if somebody was here, but I didn’t say anything.  I wasn’t going to be one of those stupid girls in horror movies who call out “Hello?” all innocently.  That was idiotic; they were basically going, “Hey killer…I’m over here!” 
    So I turned around and took in my surroundings.  The main desk at the front of the school was to my left, and the offices were behind it.  I walked very slowly down the main hall and peered into each of the adjoining halls to my right.  At the end of the third hall, I saw a light.  A faint, yellow light was shining at the very end of the hall. 
    I turned right down that hall and started to follow the light.  Endless rows of lockers passed me and the classrooms were all locked with the lights out. 
    When I got halfway down the hall I saw him.
    Jason was strapped to a simple chair.  His arms were bounded behind him, and his legs were attached to the two front legs of the chair.
    His hair was matted to his forehead with sweat, and little cuts all around his neck were letting blood escape.
    My stomach dropped.  My breath was caught and I couldn’t breath.
    When I finally regained my breath, I ran towards him.  I forced my feet to move as fast as they could against the linoleum.  More lockers whizzed by as I continued to run.
    But Jason wasn’t getting any closer.  He still sat twenty feet away from me and no matter how hard or fast I ran he stayed the same distance.  A scream caught in my throat.  I wanted to call out to him, and ask him if he was okay, but he didn’t even look alive.
    The only thing that told me he was alive, was the rise and fall of his chest.  I tried to call out to him again, but no sound would escape my throat.
    There was a rattling behind me, and I spun to see what it was.
    But when I turned, I was no longer in the hallways of RHS, but in at the mouth of an alley.  Why did I keep ending up in different places?  It felt like a cheesy horror movie—but the panic was raw and gripping.     
    I spun around to get a grasp on my surroundings.  It looked like a street that would be in New York City, and the alley smelled like one too.  I had seen alleys like this on my trip to New York back in seventh grade, but my parents told me not to look and ushered me forward. 
    Now I peered into the alley was, and saw that it too was black.  I wasn’t thinking because as I turned to look into the alley, my back was to the street.  Somebody came up behind me, yanked both arms behind my back and started to push me into the alley.
    I started to thrash and kick, but the attacker was too strong and my efforts were useless.  Tiny sounds of a struggle escaped me, but nothing like the screams that should be vibrating off of these building walls.  I felt frail and weak—those were the two things I would never allow myself to feel again but here I was feeling them. 
    The attacker pushed me all the way into the back of the alley and threw me down on a pile of trash.  He pulled something out of his back pocket.  It was long, slender, and silver. 
    I only saw a flash of the object before the attacker was on top of me, and the object was pressed at my throat.  I could now see that my attacker was a man.  But I couldn’t see his face because of the ski mask he had pulled over his head.
    Pain radiated through my throat, and I felt a trickle of blood run down my collarbone.  The object was a knife.  And he was going to kill me.  The realization drowned all fear out of me, and I regained my voice.
    “If you’re going to kill me, I at least want to know why.” I tried to make it sound as confident as possible, but that was difficult because he had his was leaning on my chest, making it impossible for me to get enough oxygen. 
    I didn’t think he was going to answer me when he said, “Too bad.”  With one swift motion the object went up, came back down and everything was black.
   
    My eyes sprung to open, and for a second I didn’t realize that I was back in my bed.  I sat up and took in the surroundings of my room.  When my breathing slowed, I realized that it was all just a dream.  Well the first part was a dream, then it turned into a nightmare like it always does. 
    Jason’s caress was so gentle and real, that it almost felt real.  I reached up and touched the place where his lips touched mine, but mentally cursed myself.  I wasn’t supposed to even be thinking about Jason, yet I’m dreaming about him?
    No, this was not okay.  So I reflected on the second part of my dream.  The alley almost seemed too real.  But why would anybody want to kill me? 
    I couldn’t think of anything, so I chalked it up to be just some stupid nightmare, and tried to go back to bed.
    When my mind was in that phase between sleep and reality it did something I never would have allowed it to do if I were conscious- I thought about Jason.

    “The prom theme is a Masquerade ball!” Cera was sitting on my bed and chattering on about prom.  I could tell she wanted to go, but I honestly had zero interest.  “I’ve always wanted to go to a Masquerade ball, and now it’s our prom theme.  We could go, and have a totally awesome time and look like fools and nobody would know it was us.” She was getting high off of this prom talk.  “We could totally meet two really hot guys, and they would have to like us for who we are, because they wouldn’t know it was us.”  She stared off as she pictured her scenario.  “We would dance all night, and really get to know each other for the other’s personality.  And if it ends badly, then there’s no harm no foul because we’ll have masks.”  She looked over at me and waited for my response.
    “What if the masks come off first and then things go bad, what would you do then?” I looked at her with my arms crossed, and I was mentally hoping she would get the message that I didn’t want to go, or even talk about prom.
    “That wouldn’t happen.” She said it simply.  “Please Lily.  Please just think about going.  I would be by you the entire time.  What are you so afraid of?”  She was looking at me like a kid looks at their parents when they ask for a new bike.  She was so full of hope, and I could tell that this dance would make her happy.
    “You wouldn’t leave me?”  I mumbled and looked down at my hands.
    “Never!” She bounded off the bed and ran over to hug me.  She was literally jumping up and down with excitement as she pulled me in for her hug.  “Lily, I’m so excited!” She pulled back suddenly, and shock was splayed all over her face.  “Crap! Oh damn it.  Lily, we need dresses, and masks, and shoes and we only have a week!” she was freaking out now.
    I grabbed her arms and she was still freaking out.  “Then we’ll just get everything today.” I said, and her freak out was replaced by screams and shrills of excitement.  She reached for her shoes and pulled them on.
    “Let’s go then.” She practically ran out of my room and into the Jeep.

    “Try this one.” Cera was holding up a neon pink dress with no straps and no back.  It would have been pretty, if you were a hooker.
    The entire ride here, Cera talked about prom.  She wondered what the gym would look like, who would be wearing which dress.  I even had to calm her down when she started to freak out about getting the same dress as somebody.
    When we got to the mall she shot into Dillard’s and found the dress area immediately.  She looked for herself for a while, and when she saw that I was just watching her, she tried to get me involved by finding my dress first.
    “Cera,” the dress was wretched.  “That’s terrible.” 
    She looked frustrated and put the dress back on the rack.  “Okay,” she turned back to me from the racks of dresses.  “Here’s what we’ll do then, I’ll get five dresses for you and you pick five for me.  We’ll each try on every one of the dresses and that well help us decide.” 
    I went along with her plan, and picked five dresses for Cera.  I tried to pick really classy and elegant dresses.  I know she wouldn’t like these because they’re not flashy enough.  But I figured she would look stunning in them, so I took them back to the dressing rooms.
    I finished picking my five out before Cera and stood awkwardly in the back until she finished.  We each went into the dressing rooms with our five dresses and started to try them on. 
    The first one I tried on was a deep green.  Its emerald color shimmered whenever I moved.  The neckline plummeted and stopped just before my belly button.  This was most definitely not my dress.  “Cera, are you serious?” I called to her from my dressing room.
    “Come out! I’ve got one on too.”  I stepped out of the dressing room.  “Oh!” Cera looked delighted. 
    “Cera, I look like a tramp.”  I took that time to look at Cera.  She put the pale yellow one on first.  Her red hair jumped out against the light color.  It was tight until her waist and flowed down in a really elegant way. 
    “You do not!  It’s sexy.” She looked very pleased with her decision.
    “It’s still a no.  And look at you!”  She spun around.  “You look gorgeous.”  I picked out a gorgeous dress. 
    “The color doesn’t match my hair.”  She turned to look in the full mirror behind her.  “I look like a baby chicken on fire.”  I cracked up as we went back into our separate dressing rooms.  Both of the dresses were a definite no then.  The next dress Cera had picked out had feathers on it. 
I automatically moved that one to the ‘no’ hook.  I put the emerald dress on the same hook.  I reached for the next dress and repeated the same routine with Cera.  We each tried on the dresses and found something wrong with all of them.  The cut isn’t right, the color is awful, or it fits awkwardly. 
     I was down to my last dress.  It was a pale blue and it gradually got darker the further you traveled down the skirt.  There was a long slit that went up my left leg.  When I had it on I just stared at myself in the mirror hanging in the dressing room.  The sweetheart neckline was made my shoulders look tiny and petite.  There was beaded accents that sprawled across the bodice.
     “Cera, I have my last one on.” I called to her and continued to stare at myself in the mirror.
    “Me too!” she sounded excited.  Maybe she found her dress.  “Come on out.” 
    When I came out of my dressing room Cera squealed.  “Oh my God! Lily, you look gorgeous.  That is your dress.”  She pulled me beside her to look in the full mirror.
    Under the light I could see the way the dress made my eyes pop.  My hair flew over my tiny shoulders; I looked like Cinderella. 
    It made me feel excited for prom for the first time.  “Cera, that dress is stunning on you!” She was wearing the one I knew she would look gorgeous in.  It was a strapless, white gown and hugged her torso.  When you came to the golden accents around her waist, the dress flowed elegantly to the floor.  The white made her hair come alive, but not in the burning way that the yellow dress made it.  She looked like an angel.  The irony almost made me laugh out loud.
    “You think?”  She stepped in front of the mirror to examine herself in the dress.  “It doesn’t look too much like a wedding dress?” Her hands played all over the fabric, and she was staring at it lovingly in the mirror.  I could already tell she loved it, she just needed reassurance.
    “Of course not.  Cera, it’s stunning!” She squealed with delight and turned around and hugged me.
    “We’re going to prom!” She squealed again and ran into the dressing room.

     We paid for our dresses and headed over to Macy’s to find shoes.  It didn’t take long to find them since we had our dresses with us.  When we got out of the mall I was four hundred dollars poorer.  My lack of money made me feel naked, and my excitement about prom was fading- fast.
     “Well now here’s the hard part.”  Cera said as we walked to the Jeep.  I looked over at her; “We have to find masks.”
     “Well damn.  Where are we going to find those?” And how much is it going to cost me? I added silently.
     “I don’t know.  But I do know that we don’t have time to order them online,” She looked over at me, “and we have to get them today.” Her tiny body was almost shaking with nerves.  If we didn’t get everything we needed today, then Cera would worry about it until we did.
     “How about that Halloween shop?” She looked at me questioningly.  “You know the one.  It stays open all year, so that weird people can carry out their vampire fantasies and stuff.” 
     Cera eventually went along with me, and I drove us over to the Halloween store.
     When we got there, we were instantly engrossed in decorations.  Scream masks, fake spider webs, and plastic rats were everywhere.  I grabbed Cera by the wrist and made our way back to the masks.
The place was creepy, and I didn’t want to be here a second longer than I had to be.
We were in luck, because this place had an endless amount of masks.  Cera choose a gold one with silver sparkles outlining it.  Three white feathers poked from the top, and it curled up on the sides.  I choose a silver one.  It was a very simple one with sparkles outlining the rounded edges.
     We went up to pay, but nobody was there.  I reached my head over the counter to get a better look over the edge, but still nobody was there.  “Hello?” I said, and I heard a crash and somebody cursed from the back room. 
     Gerald came out from the back, his cheeks red with embarrassment.  “Oh, hey Lily.” He wiped his hands on his pants, and came to check us out.  “Oh masks.  You guys going to prom?” Gerald asked.
“Unfortunately.” I said and gave him a smile.  He laughed, and Cera mocked us.  She clearly didn’t like the fact that I was down playing prom.  I leaned over and whispered to Gerald so Cera wouldn’t hear.  “I’m being dragged against my will.”  He laughed some more and punched some numbers into the tiny computer on the other side of the desk. 
     “That will be $22.34 for both.” He said looking up from his computer.  Something didn’t add up.
     “Are you sure?” I said, I grabbed my mask and the tag said $14.99, I did the same to Cera’s and it was the same price.  “They say they’re at leave fifteen bucks a piece.” I didn’t want Gerald getting in trouble at work.
     “Oh I know.  I gave you guys an unofficial coupon.” He smiled and blushed again. 
I was stunned into silence.  After a second I regained my voice.  “Oh wow.  Thanks so much Gerald.” I smiled and handed him the money.
     I waved bye once he had the masks all bagged up.  I was still touched by his gesture as we got into the Jeep.
    “Well he likes you.” Cera said. 
    “I know.” She looked stunned when I turned to face her.
   “You know?” She sounded surprised.
   “Yes I know.  He’s liked me since seventh grade.” I started the Jeep and pulled out of the parking lot.
   “And you’re just now telling me?” She sounded hurt.
    “I mean I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.  It’s not like it was going anywhere.” She raised her eyebrows at me. “He has a crush.  So what?  I don’t have to go around broadcasting the fact that somebody likes me.”  That shut her up for a little while.  About half way home, she started to talk about prom and how we would look so gorgeous in our dresses.  I tuned her out, because I couldn’t stop thinking of Gerald.
    I realized that I never asked him if he was going to prom.  When I thought about it some more, I realized that I didn’t know if a lot of people were going.  I wanted to know about one person more than anybody and that was Jason.
    started to picture what he would look like in a tuxedo.  Would he slick his hair back or would he leave it to curl around the base of his neck?  Would he have a date?  My stomach fell to the floor.  If he had a date, I don’t know what I would do. 
    I tried my best to push all thought of Jason out of my head.  I couldn’t be one of those girls that constantly thought about a guy just because she bumped into him in the hall and then gave him a ride home.  No, that was ridiculous.  And why was I dreaming about him?  I never dream. 
    Frustrated I pointed my attention back to Cera.  She continued to get all hopped up about prom, and I indulged her by pretending to get excited. 

Chapter 4- Misunderstanding

    The next day at school was awful.  I was so tired, I could barely lift my feet to walk from class to class.  Teachers gave me looks when I didn’t take notes, but I didn’t care because the only think I could think about was sleep.
    On the way to lunch I took the long way, hoping for some peace and quiet away from the rambunctious cafeteria.  I was about to round the corner when I heard people arguing.  I didn’t want to interrupt their conversation and awkwardly walk by, so I clung to the wall and waited out the conversation.  I tried not to listen, but it’s hard not too when tempers are flaring so much.
    “We haven’t been happy for a long time,” that was a guy’s voice.
    “We can fix it.” The girl sounded on the edge of tears.
    “What’s the use?  We’ve tried before and it never worked.  What makes you think it will work this time?”     The boy sounded angry now.  And I finally realized what I was witnessing- a breakup.  Two people were breaking up.  They had obviously come out here for some privacy, and I was the rude girl stalking them and listening in.  I couldn’t believe the position I was in. 
    I turned to leave when the girl said, “Is this about that bitch Lily?” I froze in place.  This is Jason and Rachel.  I let out a tiny gasp, and went back to the wall.  If they heard me, people would think I set the whole thing up, and I would be responsible for their break up.  They would accuse me more than they already did, and the looks would never end.  I just needed to get out of here.  I looked hastily for an escape, and even when I found it, I couldn’t get my legs to move. 
    I realized then, that I wanted to know what Jason had to say to Rachel’s question.  So I would stay to hear his answer and then I would leave.  So I waited silently for his answer.
    “No,” he didn’t sound too convincing to me, so he was going to have problems convincing Rachel.  “Rachel, we have been together for too long.  I’m not happy in this relationship.”  His anger was building, “you treat me like you own me.  I am allowed to talk to whoever I want without you going up to them and threatening them,” he knew Rachel threatened me?  How? “You are controlling and I don’t know how I even tolerated you for so long.” His anger was fading, but my stomach twisted at his words.
    I had to get out of here.  I started to leave when the yelling started.
    “Jason!” Rachel shrieked, “Take that back right now!” Her words were dripping with anger, but Jason was standing up for himself. 
    He yelled right back at her.  “No!  I’m not under your control anymore!  Rachel we’re over.”  That’s when it all ended.  Jason stalked off in the direction opposite mine- thankfully.  I made my escape when Rachel started to cry.

    The next couple of days were uneventful.  I didn’t talk or even see Jason for at least three days, and I avoided Rachel in the halls as if my life depended on it.  I paid attention in my classes, and slid into my regular routine once again. 
   
    Thursday morning I was back in my small booth in the cafeteria.  I had both ear buds in was waiting for somebody to come and save me from my loneliness as I read my book. 
    As if my ‘prayers’ were answered, Mary Cartwright came and sat across me.  Mary and I used to be close, but she was one of those friends who came and went in life.  Our relationship was nothing like the one I had with Cera.  Mary and I used to have a lot of fun together, but when I changed she kind of left along with the old me. 
    She and I still hung out in groups, but never one on one like we used to. 
    Now she sat across from me, and I knew that she was going to launch into her lastest speech about last Sunday’s sermon.  I had no interest about what her pastor lectured about this past week, or how her bible group always met on Tuesday afternoons.
    Mary was very active in her church.  She was always going around pushing her thoughts about God or her beliefs on abortion.  It’s great that she’s so active in her church, and believes so strongly in her religion, but when she lectures me about how I need to change my attitude and views on God- I want to punch her in the damn face.
    It was fine at the beginning.  At first I even admired her dedication, but as time wore on- she began to tap dance on the very thin ice that was my nerves. 
    Now she sat across from me, and I started to prepare myself for her latest lecture.
    “So,” Mary started. “Are you going to prom?” I was slightly relieved that the topic wasn’t about religion, but agonized because prom was the last thing I wanted to think about.
    The only person I wanted to go with, was the same person who had just gotten out of a very long relationship.  This was the same person who I hadn’t talked to in days.  No, I didn’t want to talk about prom with Mary.
    “No.” That’s all I said and I attempted to get back to my book.
    “Why not?” She sounded almost hurt, but knowing Mary she didn’t really care that much.  She already had a date, and was probably already going in a large group.  She didn’t need me to go.  So what was the point of this conversation?
    “Because I don’t want to.” I said flatly.  Thankfully, throngs of people were entering the cafeteria, and many of my other, normal friends were among them.  Ana, Cera, Catherine, and Riley came and joined us at my booth. 
    They all sat down and conversation about prom erupted.  Conversation about who was going, who wasn’t, dress colors, groups…I tuned it all about because I didn’t care.
    Prom was one of those stereotypical high school events that didn’t interest me at all.  Many people called it a ‘right of passage’ but in all honesty I didn’t understand the need to get all dressed up and go broke over one night—to me it just didn’t seem worth it.  I cracked open my book, but with all the chatter it was impossible to concentrate.  I sat and stared at no where in particular when Riley nudged me and tried to bring me into the conversation.  “Lily, you’re not going?”  Riley’s intentions were good, so I let a little piece of me slip into the conversation.
    “Nope.  Prom isn’t really my scene.”  I waved absently.  Riley understood, and didn’t press me anymore on the subject.
    The first warning bell went off and everybody got out of the booth.  The prom talk continued as we left the cafeteria.  I didn’t even bother to wait for Catherine even as I heard her calling after me.  I put my ear buds in and kept walking like I didn’t hear her. 
    I knew she would be mad, but I honestly didn’t care if Catherine was mad at me. 
    I got into first period, and Catherine had almost reached me.  So I picked up my pace and looked around the room for somebody to talk to.  If I was talking to somebody else, then Catherine would be mad and stop talking to me all together- hopefully.
    Gerald was the closest person so I walked straight up to him and started to chat.
    “Hey Gerald.” I said brightly.
    “Hi Lily,” I could tell that my instigating a conversation confused him, but he had the decency not to point it out.
    I didn’t have time to continue because Catherine was practically barking at me. “What the hell Lily?” her voice was on the edge of shrieking.  “I know you heard me calling after you.  Why didn’t you wait?” She was shaking her head and her long hair flew in front of her face.  If she were foaming at the mouth, I would have sworn she had rabies. 
    “I was talking to Gerald.” I said it very politely and gestured towards Gerald.  Poor Gerald, he was just standing there awkwardly shoving his hands into his pockets.
    “Why?” Catherine practically spat the word at me. “You’ve never wanted to talk to him before, so what was so important that you had to rush in here.  No offence,” she was speaking in Gerald’s direction.  “But there’s nothing special there.  He’s nobody.” I could have smacked her.
    “Catherine!” I said in a hushed, but stern voice.  She was drawing to much attention, and as gazes slid my way I got that feeling at the base of my neck.  It was like being poked by millions of tiny needles.  It was the feeling of eyes looking at me and picking me apart.  “Gerald did nothing wrong.  It’s not his fault I don’t want to talk to you.” I could see that my comment helped Gerald, but the looks of pain and hurt were still dancing across his face.
    Gerald finally spoke up, “Catherine I think you should go sit down now.  Lily’s made it clear that she doesn’t want to speak with you.”  He said it coldly, and Catherine finally got the message.  She made a sound and with a flip of the hair she took a seat as far away from me as she could get.
    I turned to Gerald, “Thanks.” I said simply.  He only smiled and then went back to his desk. 

    The rest of the day went in a blur.  Catherine didn’t talk to me, and neither did most other people.  I was glad to be left alone, because for the first time in a while- I was left with my thoughts.  I went through the whole day just thinking about everything and nothing at the same time.
    On my way home it started to sprinkle lightly.  I had always preferred to run in the rain, so instead of reading my book- I figured I would go out and run off the excess energy I had from my run in with Catherine.
    I took off my jeans and replaced them with tight fitting spandex that was perfect for running.  In place of my light green polo I choose a neon pink work- out shirt and a hoodie. 
    On my way out I grabbed my Nikes, threw them on and called to my mom.  I went into the basement where she worked, and told her I was going on a run. 
    She just waved me off because she was on a conference call.
    I went back upstairs, grabbed my iPod and went on my way.  I put one bud in and started to scroll through my songs.
    I had just picked the right song, whose beat was fast enough to get my blood pumping when somebody came up beside me.
    Startled, I almost dropped my iPod and I let out a little scream.  I looked up to see who the person was- it was Kevin.  I stopped walking and let confusion fill my expression.
    “Mind if I join you?” He was wearing basketball shorts and a T-shirt.  His curly hair bounced up and down.  It was as if his hair was agonizing in anticipation of my answer.
    “Umm, not to sound rude, but why would you want to?” Kevin and I never talked, let alone went on a run together.
    “Because I always found it easier when you ran with a friend.” He seemed to be enjoying this. “You know what they say, ‘beware of strangers.  Never go out alone.  Always take a friend with you.’” He was reciting what they taught you in elementary school.  It was almost like the school’s motto. 
    “I’ll be sure not to take any candy, or get into large, white vans anytime soon.”  My comment was meant to deflect him and get him to turn the other way.  But he didn’t.
    “Well I know you say that now, but you might need a big, strong man there in case they try to grab you.” I knew he was messing with me now.
    “I’m only staying in the neighborhood.” I started to complain, but I knew it wasn’t any use.  I was going to have to let Kevin come with me, or give up on my run all together.  But I needed this run.  I didn’t know what to do with all this pent up energy, and running was the only other thing I did besides dance.  And both my mom and Tyler were home so dancing was not an option.  I sighed, “Fine… but you’re going to have to keep up.”  I turned on my heel and started to jog up the street.  Kevin followed me, and caught up instantly.
    “So…” Kevin started, “what’s up?”
    “Oh Kevin cut the crap.” I tried to pick up my pace but he stayed right next to me.  “Why are you really here?”
    “I can’t enjoy a nice run with my neighbor?” I gave him a cold look and he finally got the message that I wasn’t joking around.  “Well…” he started, “if you’re going to get involved with my best friend, I have to know who you are.”  Was he referring to Jason?  Jason and I were most definitely not involved.  Kevin had no need to be here because there was nothing going on with Jason.
    “We’ve been neighbors for almost fifteen years, why do you suddenly want to ‘get to know me?’ And me and your ‘best friend’ are not getting involved.” He laughed at me.  He actually was laughing at me.  Did that mean that other people thought we were involved?  Did Rachel think we were involved?  But we weren’t involved.  “We’re not!” I said when he just stared at me with his eyebrows raised.
    “Okay, I believe you.”  He said as he held up his hands in mock surrender.
    After a few minutes I said, “Kevin,” he looked over.  “Did Jason tell you… that we were involved?”
    “No.” I could tell he was telling the truth.  “I just heard about you giving him a ride, and so I figured…” he trailed off.
    “No, no… it’s nothing like that.” How could I explain to him that Jason and I hadn’t even talked since I gave him a ride?  How could I explain that it was both a blessing and a curse that I didn’t have to see him?  “Could we just talk about something else?” I said hopefully.
    “Sure.” He said simply.  “Tell me about Cera Montgomery.” I was so stunned I stopped running.  He looked confused when I disappeared from his side.  He stopped running too and turned back to where I had halted.
    His confusion twisted into humor, and he laughed as he said, “What?”  Kevin’s hair was bobbing up and down and his dark, blue eyes were dancing with humor.  “You wanted to change the subject, so I did.”  My mouth curled at the end into an expression that told him I was onto him.
    Kevin liked Cera.  It was so obvious that I couldn’t believe I didn’t see it before.  He fought with her so he had an excuse to talk to her.  That was it!  It explained so much. 
    I carried my smug expression on my face as I went back to jogging.  Kevin started to run too as I passed him and he had to work a little harder to catch up.
    When he did I said, “What about her?” I looked over and saw him twitch.  I could tell he was uncomfortable, so I tried to help him.  “You like her, don’t you?” I watched him twitch again and punched his arm to get him to answer.
    “No,” his fake anger was quite amusing.  “Of course I don’t.”  He lowered his voice as his protest came to an end and turned his attention back to the road ahead.  We turned right onto the next street when I replied.
    “Kevin, you brought it up.  Now don’t lie to me.”  He started to protest again, and I went into punch him again and he recoiled. 
    “Okay, okay!” He stopped running and threw his hands up in a mock surrender.  “Yes, I kind of… like her.”  He shook his head and his curls drooped in his face.  He looked about eight when he said, “But you can’t tell her.”  He mumbled so much that I could barely understand him.
    “Okay,” I said. “I won’t tell her.  But you have to tell me why you like her.”  I couldn’t let him make this confession without some proof.  For all I know, Kevin could totally be messing with me.  I didn’t think he would make up some story about liking Cera, but I had to be one hundred percent positive.  She was my best friend- I had to protect her.
    We had stopped running and went to sit on the curb across the street.  We were in front of an adorable pink house.  The house looked like one a little, old grandma would live in.  It was a baby pink; it had two flowerbeds on either side of the door, and little garden lights lining the walkway.  As it got darker, the light allowed me to see Kevin’s face as he explained.
    “I like her spunk,” he started.  “She doesn’t take any crap from anybody.”  He looked down at his hands and chuckled.  “I like the way the hair falls in front of her face when she’s angry.  She throws it behind her ears like she hates it for interrupting her rant.”  When he spoke about her, it was as if I didn’t even exist.  He continued, “I didn’t really notice her at first, because she used to infuriate me so much.” He laughed again.  “But once we started fighting more and more, I saw that she was an actual girl.  She was a girl whose quirks could make me laugh.  She was a girl who was so full of energy and life.  She was a girl who made me happy.”  He looked over at me and his cheeks were red with embarrassment.  I looked at him and let out a tiny laugh.  He actually meant it.  I could hear the honesty and emotion in his voice. 
    I looked over at Kevin, and he looked hurt.  He had probably taken took my laugh as an insult.  He got up and said, “Nevermind.” He started to walk off and I shot up to follow him.  “This was stupid, I never should have told you this.” He was mumbling again.  “This was a stupid idea.  So stupid!  How could they put me up to this?”  Crap.  He was so mad at me, I didn’t know if he would stop to listen to me.
    “No, Kevin stop!” my voice went up in pitch.  “That’s not what I meant.”  I grabbed his arm and turned him around to face me.  His look was dripping with anger as he stared at me.  But he was listening so I went on.  “I laughed because I never thought that you would like Cera.  I mean you said it yourself, you guys were always fighting.  It just never crossed my mind.”  I could see his anger start to ebb away.  I was getting through to him.  That’s when I saw my opportunity to ask him about his mumbling.  “What did you mean by ‘How could they put me up to this?’” I waited patiently for his answer.
    “I can’t tell you that.”  Kevin turned on his heel and stalked off.  I followed.  Did he really think he would get away that easily?  I would be damned if I let him get away without answering me.
    I ran and stopped in front of him.  “Yes you can.” He tried to go around me, but I grabbed his arm and locked him in place.  “Tell me.”
    “No!” his scream stunned me and this time I let him slide past me.  I turned and stared at his back as he ran down the street and back to his house.

Chapter 3- Confrontation

    Cera was still looking at me, bracing herself for the rage that was bound to come from me.  But the longer I was wrapped up in my thoughts, the more she relaxed until finally she said, “Well that was interesting.” 
    I snapped my head at her and something about my expression prompted her to explain further.  “I saw Jason staring at you.  Why do you think I kept fighting with Kevin?  God, I could honestly care less if he played lacrosse when he was seven and made the winning shot in the championship.”  She rolled her eyes and flopped on the bed.  Her ruby locks fanned around her as she did and she spread her arms wide like she was about to take off in flight.
    “You did what?” Cera has a lot of nerve to do that.  She knows about my past with Jason.  She knew how much he hurt me and how much I hated Rachel.  She knew all of this and she still did it anyway!  The realization hit me like a ton of bricks and I laid down on the bed next to Cera.  “Why would you do that?”  My voice had softened, and my honest curiosity seeped through alongside my words. 
    “You didn’t see the way he was looking at you.  I did, so I saw an opportunity and I took it.” She said it as if it should be obvious.  “I knew Kevin was too headstrong to turn down a fight.  And let’s admit it, we always fight.”
    She was right.  Cera and Kevin always fought.
    The first time Cera came over, she and I were in ninth grade.  We outside minding our own business, taking pictures, and just joking around.  Kevin came out with his minion of little troops.  These troops were the younger boys who lived in the neighborhood and were friend with Kevin’s little brother.  We were sitting on the sidewalk and Kevin said some snide comment to me. 
    I usually just ignored his comments, and let him move on, but Cera wasn’t like that.  She always stood up for her friends and never let anybody touch, let alone hurt, them.  She stood up and told him off.  They got in a huge argument that lasted forever.  I finally had to pull her back inside as the troops descended and took Kevin’s side. 
    And the rest is history.  Cera and Kevin fight every time they see each other.  I’ve even seen them throw dirty looks at each other in the over crowded halls at school.  It was hilarious, the way they fought.  It was as if they were an old married couple that fought about everything and nothing at the same time.
   
    I slowly brought myself out of my memory and turned my attention back to my conversation with Cera.  “He wasn’t looking at me.”  I said it in a way that was supposed to be final and we could move on.  But Cera persisted, as she always does.
    She shot up and looked at me incredulously.  “Yes.  He was.”  Her voice rose at the end of her sentence, like she couldn’t believe I didn’t believe her.  “He was staring straight at you, and since I wanted him to keep looking at you, I kept fighting with Kevin.  I did it for you. So you’re welcome.”  She bounded off the bed.  And that was the end of the conversation.

    Cera left the next morning, but I couldn’t really concentrate on anything other than her words.  He was staring straight at you…No he wasn’t.
    But maybe those were the pair of eyes I felt staring at me.  The ones that got me in trouble in the first place. 
    Was Jason really looking at me, and that’s the reason I got so freaked out? No.  I pushed the thought away from me a quickly as I could.  It was Sunday, which was usually my homework day, but for some reason I had all this excess energy that would be put to waste if I just sat down and worked.  I couldn’t even concentrate long enough to be productive. 
So, I plugged my iPod in, and turned on my playlist.  The beat moved me as I moved around my room.  I started to dance and pick up my room at the same time. 
    I would pick up a scrap of clothing here, and do a twirl there.  A shake of the hips as I shot the wad of clothes into the hamper.  I twisted and turned until my room was spotless.  The music kept coming and I still had all this energy.  I turned up the music as David Guetta blasted through the speakers. 
    Nobody was home, so I let myself do something I hadn’t done for a long time.  I danced. 
    I danced all around the upstairs.  The music was so loud that it followed me into every room and I let it consume me like it used to. 
    Before I had to stop.  Before we couldn’t afford it.  Before my dad got sick. 
    I pushed all thoughts of my father back into the vault at the back of my subconscious.  I was dancing again, and there was no need to ruin it by thinking about him.  The song perked me up, just like it used to and when the beat dropped for the first time, all my thoughts faded and I was consumed by the music. 
    I kept dancing, I kept moving.  I didn’t think about school, or my dad, and especially not about Jason.  For this moment, I was Lily Hawthorne.  The real Lily Hawthorne.

    I pulled into my parking spot, and the morning started off like any other one.  My brother, Tyler, darted off into the school before I even had time to lock my car.  I walked into school by myself.  I didn’t mind being by myself at school.  If you got here early enough, before all the people crowded the halls, then this place could almost be peaceful.  Almost. 
    I got to my locker, held my breath and braced myself for Jackie stench.  I slammed my locker shut and proceeded to the cafeteria. 
    The cafeteria was almost deserted in the morning.  There was a sprinkle of kids here and cluster in a booth there.  I grabbed my iPod out of my bag and was sticking a bud into left ear when somebody sat down across from me.  I lifted my eyes just enough to get a glimpse of the person. When I realized who it was, my gaze shot straight up.
    Her mouse- like features were all too familiar.  Rachel.  What the hell was Rachel doing here?  Why was she sitting with me?
    She stared at me.  It was like she expected me to know why she was here.  The silence became overwhelming and I broke first.
    “What do you want?” I tried to make my voice ice cold, but my nervousness shot through it like a bullet.  Was I starting to sweat? No.  Lily, calm down.  She wants you to be nervous, she’s baiting you.  I help eye contact with her until she spoke.
    “I think you know why I’m here.”  She practically spat the words.  But I still had no idea what she was talking about.  She must have seen the confusion in my face because she continued to explain her ominous statement.  “Well since you’re obviously too stupid and naïve to figure out for yourself why I’m here…” I wanted to punch her.  I wanted to punch her so hard, right in that little mouse nose and break it like a twig.  “You can tell that bitch Cera, that the next time either of you come up to my boyfriend, that I’ll shatter the very kneecaps you need to walk.” 
    I knew her threat was empty, but something about the coldness in her voice told me that she hated me with every fiber of her being.  My head swam with pictures of me and Cera bleeding on an empty sidewalk; both of us screamed for help that would never come—blood pouring out of our shattered knees.
    I was pulled out of my disturbing thoughts by the sound of Cera’s voice.
    “Do we have a problem here?”  Her voice was twice as cold as Rachel’s.  Cera was doing what she did best- standing up for me.  Beside her was Riley.  Riley and I had been friends for the longest time, and we weren’t as close as we used to be but I could still trust her with anything.  Cera’s bright red hair flamed next to Riley’s deep brown and they looked pissed. 
    They were my tag- team of bitches.
    “The only problem I have is with you two.”  Rachel motioned to me with a flick of a wrist.  It was as if she was swatting away a fly.  A pesky, little insect that didn’t deserve a second thought.  That was how she thought of me- as an insect.  “You better stay away from Jason.  The little stunt you pulled over the weekend wasn’t funny.  Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” 
    Rachel was rising from the table, and Cera and Riley dropped their bags.
    “Well it’s not their fault that you can’t hold onto your man.” Riley said.  Riley was slender and tiny, but she wouldn’t back down when it came to a fight.  Riley, was like Cera, she had always been there for me and we would be there for each other no matter what.
    Riley and I had been friends for I don’t know how long.  She was perhaps the funniest, strong- willed person I knew.  I loved her like a loved Cera or my family.
    Rachel whipped her head around to look at Riley, the rage burning in her eyes.
    “He’s not going anywhere.”  Rachel’s words made it seem like she owned Jason.  She probably thought of herself as the last beacon of light, and Jason was lost with out her in a world of darkness.  “He would be stupid to do that.” 
    “Well, maybe he’s found somebody better.”  It was Cera who spoke up now. 
    I felt as if I should help.  This was my fight with Rachel, not theirs.  How could I continue to let them fight my battles for me?  But that’s exactly what I did.  My body was paralyzed.  I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak.  The only thing I could do was sit there, in the booth and watch my best friends fight for me.
    “There is nobody better.  And if you think you’re referring to yourself or that little coward who’s just sitting there and letting you fight her battle, then I’m sorry, but you are mistaken.  Somebody like Jason, doesn’t go for trash like you.”  Rachel snarled the last few lines out before the resource officer came over.  It was strange how accurately her comment reflected my thoughts.
    “Is there a problem over here ladies?”  The resource officer asked.  His nametag read LOVE.  What an ironic name.  Why would the officer in a high school filled with hate, and contempt have the name Love? 
    I hadn’t realized, but all of the other kids in the cafeteria were staring in our direction.  Every single pair of eyes landed on us, and the scene that was unfolding right before me.
    Everything seemed to happen in slow motion.  “No problem officer,” that was Cera.  She continued in her sweet, innocent voice.  “It’s just that this bitch’s face hurts.”  Rachel and the officer both wore the same expression of confusion. 
    “No it…” before Rachel could get the last word out, there was a blur and a thump and then a wail.  Cera’s hand flew out of the air, and made direct contact with Rachel’s mouse-like nose.  The exact spot I had wanted to hit her before.
    The officer grabbed Cera, and hauled her and Riley away from the scene of the crime. 
    Other administrators swarmed around my little booth.  The nurse was called for Rachel’s broken nose.  Damn Cera, nice shot.
    I was taken into the front office and my statement was taken, and it was all over before first period.  Cera and Riley got two weeks of detention, and Rachel only got three days since she had taken Cera’s awesome punch to the face.
     I sat in first period in a daze.  My mind replayed what happened in the cafeteria over and over again.  By now the whole school had probably heard about how Rachel was taken from the nurse’s office in a stretcher, with a neck brace and every teacher, administrator and even Principle Smith fawning all over her.  They probably hoped that her lawyer father didn’t press charges against the school.
    All of this over a broken nose?  People were idiots.  Rachel had it coming.  Cera did what every other person in this school had been hoping to do for years.  She had taken down the queen bee.  Even if it was only temporarily, it was fantastic.  Cera would be a hero to all of those people who could never stand up for themselves.
    She was my hero.  I chuckled as I reflected on the moment when Cera’s fist made contact with Rachel’s face.
    Again, I could feel Catherine’s eyes on me.  I looked up and her eyes were bugging out of her head.  She wanted to know everything about this morning.  But I really didn’t feel like talking to her about it.  I would let Cera handle it.  Cera would explain how she was now the queen bee, and how she had distorted Rachel’s face forever.
    I can hear Cera now, “It better leave a scar.  Dammit, I want that bitch to have a reminder of me on her ugly ass face for the rest of her life.”  I would definitely have to call her tonight.
    I tried to pay attention to Mrs. Moskowitz, but I simply couldn’t.  My thoughts were going different directions at a million miles a minute.
   
    When first period ended, I couldn’t outrun Catherine.  She grabbed my arm in the now crowded hall and turned me so I faced her.  She pulled me to the side of the hall and looked at me impatiently.
    “What?” I said flatly.
    “What?! What do you mean what? What happened this morning?” She was buzzing with excitement about the latest gossip.  “I heard that Cera punched that bitch so hard, that now she’s blind in one eye and needs a transplant.  And when she hit the ground, she got a concussion and pissed herself.”  Wow this girl was incredible. Where did she get this stuff?  She must be a writer for a movie one day.
    “It sounds like you got the whole story.”  I tried to escape her, but Catherine wasn’t going to make this easy.
    “Oh no you don’t.” She pulled me back to her.  “Tell me what happened.”  She was practically shrieking now.  And I couldn’t handle another public brawl.
    “No Catherine, I can’t talk now.”  I darted past her and escaped her questions, but not the looks I got from the other people.  Some faces flashed pride towards me, others were mad and some were just upset.  People really were reacting to Rachel’s demise- just like Catherine had said.  I just wanted to get through this day in one piece.

    Unfortunately, the looks didn’t stop for the rest of the day.  I got that feeling of eyes on my back all day.  It made my skin crawl just thinking about it, and I barely paid attention to anything in my classes other than that feeling.
    When the final bell rang I darted from the class and through the waves of people for completely different reasons.
    I had to escape the looks.  I had to call Cera.  I had to avoid Jason at all costs.  I couldn’t be responsible for his girlfriend’s injuries.  He would probably look at me with disgust as if I was some piece of road kill just chilling on the side of the road.
    It’s not like Jason’s opinion of me mattered, but I didn’t want to be lectured about the need to control my friends, and how it’s my fault his precious girlfriend was hurt.
    No.  I didn’t need his patronizing attitude and his demeaning words thrown my way.
    I burst through the side doors and into the parking lot.  I was looking down at the gravel, avoiding all eye contact and stares as I desperately tried to reach my car.  I darted through the rows of cars towards my black Jeep Rangler. 
    It was an amazing car, and I loved it to death.  I got it once my dad was sent away.  And even after I cleaned it out of his stuff, I could still smell him in the upholstery.
   
    I flashed back to the time when my family was happy together.  When my dad would take me and Tyler on random car rides without telling us our destination.  We always ended up getting ice cream, or going for pizza.  Those times with my dad were fun.  I still remember how he would hug me and the entire world full of anger, danger and pain faded away. 
    He always made me feel safe, but that was before the attack and he was sent away. 
    I pushed thoughts of him out of my head almost as quickly as they had come.  If I started thinking about him, then I would cry and that would only bring more stares my way. 
    My only thought now was of my desperation to get out of here.  I got to my car, looked up and stopped dead in my tracks.
    No.  What the hell is he doing here? 
    I was staring straight into the face of Jason Dragson. 
    My eyes went wide, and I realized I wasn’t moving.  I wasn’t going to beat traffic and I wasn’t going to get home in time to avoid anymore stares.
    Before I knew what my body was doing, I was moving towards my car.  Jason was resting on the back left door, and I practically stepped on his feet when I tried to past him.
    It was a mistake.  I could smell his cologne, a smell that’s always been Jason.  I can’t describe it other that it’s a mix between wood, freshly cut grass and joy. 
    I shook my head, and mentally cursed at myself.  Don’t let him get to you.  Stay calm.  Get in your car and drive away.
    I frantically reached for the handle to get in my car when he grabbed me.
    He had my wrist clasped in his grip.  “Let go of me.”  I said it as loud as I dared.  Any louder and I wouldn’t be able to refrain from screaming.
    “Or what?”  He raised his eyebrows in a mocking manner, “You going to break my nose?”  He was referring to this morning.  And this was the exact conversation I wanted to avoid.  Talking about my hatred for Rachel with her boyfriend would only make her hate me more, and she only make high school a worse hell then it already was.
    I looked down at his hand that was still clasped around my tiny wrist.  “It’s not my fault your girlfriend can’t take a punch.”  I looked up at him with an expression that I hoped told him to let me go and go back to his own business.
    “Let go of the door,” he said sternly.  “I just want to talk.”  His voice said he was telling the truth, and his eyes said that he desperately wanted me to let go.
    But at this point, traffic was awful so I would just be sitting there and Jason could practically stand next to my car and say whatever he wanted.  So, reluctantly I let go of the handle.  I let my hand splay out in front of it, which said that at any moment I would lunge for it again, and make my escape.  My release satisfied him and he let go of my wrist.
    Jason relaxed against the side of my car with an amused expression.  What did he find funny?  The truth of the matter was he was standing here, with the girl who had gotten his girlfriend decked in the face.  How was anything about this twisted turn of events funny?
    “What do you want from me Jason?” I made my comment without emotion, hoping to get my point across.  He finally looked down at me.
    “I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He made direct eye contact.  And I could see that he was telling the truth.  The little specks of brown in his blue- green eyes always flared up when he was lying, and they weren’t now.
    “Well I wasn’t the one who was punched.  Maybe you should go and see if your girlfriend is okay.” To my ears, my voice sounded cold, but it probably was just shaky and nervous. 
    “She has lots of people that will make sure she’s just fine,” he brushed off my comment and continued. “But I bet nobody asked you.  You didn’t punch her, and I bet it must have gotten a hard time from everybody today.”  He stood and dropped his arms by his side.  “So here I am.”  He said it very matter- of- fact.
    “I’m fine.”  That’s all I said, and resumed my get away strategy, but he anticipated my plan and stood in between my door and me.  My body was pressed against the car adjacent to mine as I tried to distance myself as much as possible from Jason.
    “Excuse you!” I practically shrieked.  When he didn’t respond I continued, “Move you… you… belligerent, arrogant jerk face!”  It’s all I could come up with… and chances are he probably didn’t even know what ‘belligerent’ meant.  But I was too mad to care.  Who did he think he was?  He can’t keep me from leaving?  Isn’t that kidnapping?  Should I scream?  Should I just leave?  No I couldn’t leave.  This was my car and I couldn’t just leave him to stalk me. 
     I mentally cursed him out.
“A belligerent, arrogant jerk face?”  He smiled down at me, “well I have to say… that’s a new one Lily.”  Nothing about this was funny to me.  I tuned all emotion out of my posture, my eyes, and my words and prayed that he got the message.
“Jason, just let me leave.” I tried to sound innocent and calm, hoping that he would give in.
“I’ll let you leave, but I’m coming with you.”  WHAT? No, no, no, no… I remembered the promise I made to myself about cutting Jason out of my life completely.  I wouldn’t, no I couldn’t give him a ride.
    “I’m sorry, I can’t.” I tried to reach around him and squeeze myself towards my car.
     But as I expected, Jason just moved to block me again.  “Why not?”  His voice now turned innocent too.  “We’re going to the same place.”  It probably was logical to him, but to me it was ridiculous. 
    “You don’t just come up to somebody you don’t even know and ask for rides.” I tried to appeal to his logical side- the side that would hopefully see that I was right.
    “I’ll take my chances.”  He finally moved out of the way, but he didn’t walk away like I was hoping.  He rounded the other side of the car, threw his backpack in the backseat and took his place in the passenger seat.  I stayed exactly where he left me.
    My left arm perched on my hip, while my keys dangled in my right hand that hung by my side.  My face was stunned into an expression of pure shock.  After a couple of seconds, Jason’s head popped out and he said, “Well aren’t you coming?” 
    I slowly put my stuff beside his in the back and crawled into the driver’s side.  How the hell did Jason get in my car?  And how the hell did I let him?
    I started the car without saying anything and reached for the radio.  I turned it up just loud enough so you couldn’t talk over it and hoped that it would keep him from talking.
    When he reached to change the channel, I smacked his hand away.  Everyone, even Tyler, knew not to touch the radio without asking.  But Jason wasn’t like everyone else- regardless he shouldn’t touch it.
    Over the music I could hear him say, “Feeling frisky are we?”  I shot him a look that told him I wasn’t tolerating any of his crap.
    When we were half way home, neither of us had said anything else and Jason reached for the stereo’s volume dial.  I didn’t have time to stop him before he turned it down so it was barely audible. 
    I reached to turn it back up but he blocked me.  “No,” he grabbed my hand.  “Leave it.”  My hand resumed its place back at 2 o’clock on the wheel.  I stared straight ahead and concentrated on the road.  I pretended as if Jason wasn’t even there, and hopefully if I pretended long enough, he would get the message that I wasn’t interested in anything he had to say.
    “I wasn’t lying before,” he started.  “When I said I wanted to talk, I really did.”  This caught my attention; I didn’t look at him or even acknowledge that he had spoken, but he continued anyway.  “I know it’s not your fault about what happened to Rachel.  And honestly I’m surprised she hasn’t been punched before now.”  The way he spoke about her made it seem like he hated her right alongside me.  But that was impossible, they were a couple after all. 
    I laughed slightly and I slowly turned it into a cough.  He took my acknowledgement as a gesture for him to keep talking.  “She doesn’t treat people nicely, and I’ve heard the way people talk about her.  Even her ‘best friends,’” he did air quotes around best friends, “hate her guts.”  He finished his little tirade and I finally turned to him. 
    “Somebody should really smack you.” My face was full of shock and distaste.  I could sense his confusion before his eyebrows even made contact.  “You two are together.  She’s hurt and you don’t even care?  What kind of boyfriend bashes his girlfriend of two years to somebody who despises her?  That’s messed up.”  As much as I hated Rachel, nobody deserved to be badmouthed by her own boyfriend.
    “What you don’t understand,” he sounded pissed.  “Is that we’ve been fighting… a lot.  She doesn’t even talk to me, and she treats me like I’m furniture that she owns.  She doesn’t own me.  Even if it isn’t Facebook official, we’re not together.  She and I both know that it’s been over for a while, which is why I’m going to officially break up with her.”  I slid my gaze over to him and shock was visible all over my expression.
    “Don’t look at me that way.” He was insulted.  I could see it flaring up in his eyes.  “Two years is a long time Lily.  I’ve thought about this for a while, and I’ve given her numerous opportunities to change, but she hasn’t.  So it’s over.”  His cheeks were bursting with spots of red, and his temper was flaring. 
    I turned my attention back to the road, not knowing how to respond.  Why was he telling me this?  Why me?  Goodness boys were confusing.  But rather then sit here and wonder I just came out with it.
    “Why are you telling me this?”  I kept my eyes forward.  I couldn’t dare look at him now.  If I did I would completely lose myself in his eyes and would never be able to pull myself back out.
    “Because I trust you.” I could feel his gaze on my profile.  “And a little birdy informed me that the whole reason you and I stopped being friends in fifth grade was because of Rachel, and the more I thought about it… the more I realized that the little birdy was right.”  I could sense the regret that tinged his voice.  He was being sincere.  “I thought about it for so long.  Why we stopped talking and why we never talked anymore.  I can’t believe I never pieced it together.  Rachel was the reason.  She was always the reason.”  His voice faded the longer he talked until we both sat at the light in an uncomfortable silence.
    “Cera…” I should have known she would talk to Jason.  But when?
    As if he had read my thoughts, Jason answered me.  “Over the weekend, before you came outside, she practically bit my head off for ditching you.  And when you came up to us, she made up that load of crap about lacrosse tryouts.”  He was amused by Cera’s forwardness.  But I wasn’t.  We came to a red light, and I wanted nothing more than to be out of this car, and in my bed reading my book.
    Turn green.  Please turn green right now.  The light needs to turn green so I can get out of here. 
    Feelings aren’t my thing.  I don’t like expressing them or talking about them; especially not to Jason.  He could never know what I was feeling.
    “But at least you figured it out,” I said.  Jason let out the breath that I realized he had been holding since he stopped talking. 
    “That doesn’t make it right.”  He looked down at his hands that were folded in his lap.
    “No, it doesn’t,” I could feel the frown spread across his face so I continued, “but it wasn’t all your fault.”  I was trying my best not to go ballistic on him.  Inside I was screaming at him.  Of course he had every reason to feel crappy about our broken friendship!  He left me alone, and I was damned if I was going to comfort him by telling him that it was okay and we could go back. 
He didn’t reply, and we rode in silence until we got to the head of our neighborhood.  He sighed and then turned to face me.  “Lily,” he started, “I’m sorry.”  That was all he said, and I swam in my thoughts as we twisted down the main road, and turned right onto our street.  Jason was apologizing.  Finally, after years of being angry, and just wishing for a simple apology, I had finally gotten it. 
     But for some reason, I was still angry.  His words had the tone of sorrow, and I could tell that he was earnestly apologizing to me.  But why was I still mad? 
    It’s because after all these years… Jason expected me to forgive him because he said sorry.  I couldn’t let the past go even if I wanted to.  I still had all this anger towards him, and I didn’t know how to release it.
    But he had said sorry, and that was a start. 
    When I’m under pressure, my words stumble and I can’t get them to form in the right way.  But I did this time- surprisingly.  “I can’t say that I’ll just let the past go,” I saw him start to frown, “But I can try.  It will take time.  But I will try.”  And that was that.  My answer hadn’t been the one Jason was hoping for, but I couldn’t anything better.  And he seemed content with it for now. 
    I pulled into his driveway and waited for him to get out.  But he didn’t.  He sat there and stared straight ahead as if he was lost in thought.  Is that what I look like when I’m swimming inside my own brain? 
His face was expressionless and he just sat there.  How do I get his attention?
    Well, I thought about how Cera and everybody else got me out of my dreams.  Cera yelled, my mom snapped in front of my face, and Tyler punched me.  But I couldn’t yell at Jason, because he looked so innocent; I couldn’t snap at him because that would be a bitch move; and I couldn’t punch him because that’s just rude.  So instead I sat it out.  After a couple of minutes I cut the engine and sat with Jason in silence.  It was an eerie silence, but not a suffocating one. 
    I sat and played with the fray coming off of my jeans until Jason returned to life.  He gasped like a seven year-old getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar.  I jumped in my seat and he just looked at me, so I looked back.  What the hell is wrong with him?
    “Thanks for the ride,” he said.  He got out, got in his stuff and went inside.  What the hell?  I turned my car back on and proceeded to my house.  That was so bizarre; I don’t even know how to feel about that.
I got home and did my routine.  I picked off my navy blue V-neck and put on my really baggy Coldplay T-shirt.  I replaced my jeans with yoga pants, and my hair was in a loose bun atop my head.  I got my book and snuggled in bed.  Pretty soon I fell asleep, and five o’clock was far-gone when I woke up again.  It was seven.  SEVEN?! What the hell? What was wrong with me?  I can’t even stay awake?
I ran down for my books, and did homework for the rest of the night.

Chapter 2- Jason

Right when I get to school I dart to my first period class.  Nobody’s there in the mornings so it is the perfect place to go and be alone.  The second of The Hunger Games Trilogy has had me in its grasp all night so first thing this morning I cracked it open and continued to read.  I don’t even care about the looks I get from the kids in the hall.  I know what they’re thinking.  What is she doing?  What a loser, she sits alone and reads.  That’s pathetic.  I don’t care.  People think whatever they want, and so I escape into the world where I know the people won’t judge me, a world filled with my characters. 
    The first warning bell rings and people begin to file into the room.  Slowly at first, but as it gets close to the last bell, people are flowing in by the bucket load.  I reluctantly mark my page and tuck it into my bag. 
    This is when Gerald Davidson sees his opportunity.  He’s liked me since seventh grade, and has been fairly good at hiding it since I’ve only recently noticed. 
I was too superficial to notice before my big “change.”  But now that I’m looking at the world with the same eyes, but a different perspective, I can that Gerald has always been there to talk to me, or even make a small comment whenever he can.  His large eyebrows and serious demeanor don’t make him very approachable, but he’s actually very kind once you get to know him.
    “Good book?”  He asks in his deep, but tentative voice.  He motions to my now closed bag on the floor beside my feet.
    “Yeah,” I say.  “The best.”  I know Gerald doesn’t deserve any of my contempt at the world.  Hell, Gerald is the one person who’s always put up with me, and never judged me- other than my best friend Cera Montgomery.  Now he asked me about my one true love in the world, and all I can give him is the same kind of snotty comment I would have given somebody when I was the old me. 
    I felt instant regret, but before I could apologize to Gerald, he’d already retreated to his side of the room and Mrs. Moskowitz saunters in. 
    Mrs. Moskowitz’s pudgy exterior gives her the affectation of being somebody who is nice, kind and gentle.  But once she opens her mouth, her degrading words make you think otherwise instantaneously.  But in a weird sort of way, I almost respect Mrs. Moskowitz.  Almost.  She may come across condescending and rude, but she can command a room with her voice.  She can control a room full of twenty- six high schoolers without a tiny note of opposition from us.
    Suddenly, I felt a pair of eyes looking at me.  Catherine, that one friend that everybody secretly hates, is the one staring at me from across the tiny walkway that separates our desks.  I ignored her as usual.  But I knew as soon as Mrs. Moskowitz released us for our free period, she’d be all over me; she’ll ask questions and expect full, and detailed responses.  She’s a gossip.  Catherine needs to know everything about everybody all the time. She’s like any other teenage girl.  She feeds off of information like a mosquito off of blood, and I hate mosquitoes. 
    Luckily for me, Mrs. Moskowitz handed out a pop quiz, so I am able to avoid Catherine’s interrogation for a little while. 
    After class I jetted out of the room and into the hallway crammed with people.  Garfield’s halls could barely contain all of the student population.  You were shoved against lockers on accident, you made contact with people you never dreamed of touching before in your life.  It was claustrophobic and hot, and very, very uncomfortable.  I darted through the masses trying not to make eye or bodily contact with anybody.  I could hear Catherine calling after me, but I kept plugging on.  When in made it three halls down to G Hall, I checked over my shoulder to see if Catherine was behind me, when the weight of my books was lifted from my arms, and a sharp pain radiated off of my forearm.  I looked down and saw a bright pink welt forming on my arm. 
    My attention was directed to the events occurring in front of me.  I had run straight into Jason Dragson, and my books scampered in forty million different directions.
    “Oh, my…Jason, I’m so sorry.”  I avoided all eye contact and scrambled to pick up my books.  I’m sure my cheeks are blazing red, and I don’t need anymore attention drawn to me.  Jason very politely helped me with my books and handed them to me tentatively.
       “You don’t have to do that,” I snapped.  He was only trying to be friendly, but here, nobody was friendly and it was kind of odd for Jason to actually help.  I felt instantly regretful as I saw confusion and then sadness spread across his face, his blue eyes filling with confusion and regret.  I tried to quickly recover before I hurt his feelings.  Jason didn’t deserve to be yelled at for being nice.  “I mean, you’re going to be late to class.” I stammered.  “And I did run into you after all.”  His hurt expression eased away from his face.  Like erasing chalk from the board.  His dark chocolate hair fell into his face and he pushed it away with the back of his hand.  He stood from our crouched position on the floor. 
    “It’s fine.”  He said simply and then stalked off.
    “Thank you!” I tried to call after him as I watched his figure dipped into the streams of kids and disappeared., but all I got was a raise of the hand as he stalked off.  Not even decent enough to turn around, I thought to myself.  Gosh people were pathetically rude at this school.  Although maybe I only deserved a casual wave of acknowledgement; I was the one who hadn’t been paying attention, and this isn’t the first time either.  I wonder if he still remembers. 

    Jason and I had been inseparable as children.  He was my best friend, and our parents had been close since high school.  My parents loved Jason, and his loved me.  When Jason and his parents moved in next door, my parents were elated.  They would host b-b-qs, and block parties all of the time.  I don’t know if Jason and I would have ever become friends if our parents hadn’t always joined us at the hip all of the time.  I’m pretty sure they were planning our wedding at one point in time.  When the Dragsons moved in, they fit in to the suburban lifestyle with ease. 
    His mother joined the neighborhood tennis team, and Jason made friends easily. When Jason became really close to Kevin Grieven, my next door neighbor to the right, my three-year-old self got very jealous.  Kevin was a year younger then Jason and myself, and was annoying as hell.  I couldn’t stand that mop he called hair—the ringlets bounced even when he didn’t move.  I wanted to chop them off myself.  Kevin would pick on me all the time, and never let me join in on kickball—he was the average childhood bully and I hated him with a passion.  He and Jason would play around in the cul-de-sac, and I would often watch from my windows.  How can Jason play with such an awful boy? I frequently asked myself. 
    Out of my hatred for Kevin, it became my mission to tear them apart.  I know that sounds terrible and manipulative, but Jason had been my best friend for my entire life and I couldn’t stand to see him being taken by somebody else—especially not Kevin.
 
     The bell ringing cut my thoughts about Jason and the past short.  I looked around to see that I was one of the last people in the hall.  My books were still scattered everywhere so I scrambled to get the last of my belongings together and rushed off to class.
    At the end of the day I ran to my car as usual, and raced home.  Only this time I didn’t do my usual routine.  Before I could control my movements, I was on my bed and pulling my computer open.  I my fingers glided over the keys as I logged onto Facebook, and clicked directly to Jason’s page.  I didn’t know why, but our contact in the hall earlier spiked my curiosity.  I started to look through the pictures of him and his loathsome girlfriend of the last two years.
    She was part of the reason Jason and I quit talking. 
    When Jason and I started fifth grade, we were put into different classes, and I could feel myself losing my best friend very slowly to Rachel Livingston—a loathsome girl who craved attention all of the time.  Jason slowly released me as his best friend and went back to Kevin.  He also found himself a girl who wouldn’t leave his side for years.
  
    Even when she was seven, Rachel’s blond hair was always stick straight, and her tiny features are what others would call cute—I thought she looked like a constipated mouse—but she was the average bully.  She said that my clothes were too big, or ugly, or didn’t match; my hair made me look like a lion, and I should just shave it all off.  I was tempted many times to just cut off all my hair.  Just so she wouldn’t tease me about it anymore.
    Rachel was part of the reason I started to wear my hair up all the time in middle school.  She stole my best friend, my self-confidence, and made my life pretty terrible.  Middle school was the worst.  She still picked on me, but in more subtle ways.  She knew Jason and I used to be close, and she would do anything to keep her greedy hands on him.  She was being paranoid in my opinion.  Jason and I hadn’t talked in over a year and yet she still did everything to keep me away from him.  She would trip me in the halls, write notes and slip them in my locker.  It was all very immature and childish, in my opinion.  But these were just daily consequences in had to endure.
    When we all got into high school, she and Jason became official.  Jealousy wound up rearing its ugly head again, and I sunk into a depression-like state.  The darkness consumed me and I could feel myself sliding down a slippery slope.  Losing my best friend for good to my worst nightmare, combined with papa drama made life a living hell.
    The day I contemplated suicide was the day I decided everything needed to change.  I started to go on jogs to shed a couple of pounds; I bought new clothes—to my mother’s relief; I got a haircut and wore it down; I came back to school in sophomore year as a different person.  One with confidence and one who sought to please everybody.  That was when Rachel began to leave me alone—she didn’t even look at me.  I was as good as dead to her and Jason. 

    Before today in the hall, Jason Dragson never even looked my direction, yet I was sitting here looking at his pictures.  What was wrong with me?  Why did I suddenly care?  I asked myself these things but I still continued to go through his pictures. 
    I looked through two years of pictures of him and Rachel.  I looked through his lacrosse pictures as well and all of the happy birthday posts from a couple of days ago.  Right.  I thought to myself.  His birthday. 
    I never forgot his birthday.  Not even when we stopped being close.  This was the first year I actually had forgotten.  I was too consumed in my thoughts.  My grandmother would always say I was swimming in a pool of my own thoughts, which was probably accurate.  I always had a look on my face that said I was deep in thought and most of the time I was.  I barely came out of my thoughts long enough to live in the real world.  Slowly I typed a message to him. 
    Sorry it’s late, but happy birthday.  I hit send, and my message popped up on his wall.  Butterflies found their way to my stomach and I silently cursed myself for caring.  It wasn’t like Jason would come running over and apologize for everything just because I said Happy Birthday.  What was wrong with me?  I went to exit the Internet when a tiny red box popped up in the corner of the page.  I clicked on it and led to my message. 
    Thanks Lily, you never could remember anything. 
    I didn’t know what to do.  I was paralyzed, stuck staring at the screen.  I stared at the message for what seemed like forever.  Time slowed down and stretched out.  How do I reply to that?  After a couple of seconds a thought registered, He remembers from when we were little. 
   
    I had the world’s worst memory as a child.  I forgot to do homework, to do chores, to set my alarm clock.  I would often run over to Jason’s house and ask to borrow his book or his worksheet since I often left mine at school.  He always let me borrow them, and most often would invite me inside to help me with whatever the work was.

    No.  I cannot let myself get sucked back into Jason’s world.  He left me for Rachel Livingston.  He ditched his best friend, for that… that…SLUT.  Fury raged inside of me like a kindling fire. The more I thought about what he did to me and how he left me alone to deal with everything by myself, the angrier I found myself getting. 
Now I was furious.  I practically slammed my computer shut—he could not do this to me.  He can’t bring up the past all of sudden and expect me to fall all over myself because he actually talked to me.
I had been excited when I saw the message though.  For a brief second I had been smiling at my computer screen like it was the love of my life. 
    I stuffed the feeling away and continued with my daily routine of changing and then reading.  I read, and all thoughts of Jason seeped through my pores and into the air. 

   When five o’clock rolled around, I closed my book and headed downstairs for my schoolwork.  I walked towards my bag in the dining room when I saw him. 
    Jason Dragson was outside with Kevin, playing lacrosse.  It was an average thing to do, but for some reason I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.  The way his muscles tightened and contracted when he swung the stick to catch or release the ball, but what I couldn’t peel my eyes off of was his face.
    His dark brown hair wasn’t like a mop like Kevin’s.  His was thinner and straighter.  It fell over his forehead with grace, and eased down the back of his head and stopped just short of his collar.  Tiny curls swept the base of his neck, and around his ears.
Every body part was perfect, and that perfection made my heart skip a beat. His big blue eyes were the color of the ocean, and you could get lost in them without even noticing. He was all planes and angles with his high cheekbones and flat cheeks.  His bow-tie lips were always pinker than everybody else’s.  The color made him seem more approachable and when he smiled, you could tell it was genuine.  As I was taking him in for the first time in a long while, his eyes slowly slid my way.
    Before I knew when I was doing, I fell to the floor.  I scrunched up below the windowsills, and waited his stare out.  Had he seen me? Did Kevin see me staring?  Had I just made the biggest fool of myself?  I was too paralyzed by fear to move from my spot under the window.  I knew I was being childish and stupid, but it was better then them seeing me staring.  I sat there for ten minutes before I gathered the strength to peek through.  Luckily Kevin and Jason had moved to Kevin’s yard, and they couldn’t possibly see me. 
    I darted for my bag, and raced upstairs.  My heart was still pounding when my mom called me for dinner, but I wasn’t even in the mood to push food around.  I grumbled up an excuse about having a lot of homework, and she actually let me skip out on dinner for tonight. 
    Memories of Jason’s face swam into my head even though I tried to push them down.  I tried not to but my gaze slid over to my computer.  Should I go back on Facebook?  Did Rachel see my comment and force Jason to delete it?  The curiosity was killing me.  I reached over and grabbed the computer.
    When I finally had Jason’s page up, my stomach rolled with giddiness.  It was still there.  Quickly, I exited and turned the computer off.  I don’t know why but I had a sense that that my looking at Jason’s page was wrong. 
   
    The next weekend Cera came over.  Cera and I were best friends—she and I knew everything about each other, and even though I wasn’t my old self, she didn’t judge, pry or question.  To her, I was the same person and I could trust her with anything.  At times she even made me feel like the person I used to be—somebody happy. 
    “You know,” Cera started.  “If you stare at that wall any longer I might have to smack you.”  She was standing in front of my closet and pulling clothes out, setting some aside and putting others back.
    “What’s wrong with staring at the wall?” I realized that I had been in one of my thought comas.
    “Nothing’s wrong with it.  But when I ask for your opinion on a top three times and you ignore me, that’s a problem.” She didn’t sound angry, or even ticked off.  She sounded matter of fact.
    “Oh,” I stammered.  “Sorry.  Which top was it?”  She held up a black top that was see through on the sides and had horizontal stripes of sequins on it.  I wore it to a party last year.  “It’s okay.” I scrunched my nose up in distaste.
    “Well I think it’s gorgeous, and I don’t know why you don’t wear it anymore.”  Cera still didn’t understand that I wasn’t the same girl who wore that top to that party last year.  I was still the same old Lily to her.
    “It’s not really me.”  There.  That was partly the truth.  I didn’t have it in me to describe to Cera that I was now a cynic, and hated everything I saw.  She always saw the good in everybody, and was sometimes too innocent for her own good.  She would try to describe that I was the still her best friend, and that nothing had changed.  I just didn’t feel like talking about my drama and everything that had happened.  It was too much to even think about—let alone discuss. 
    “Well then you won’t mind if I take it.”  She took the shirt off of the hanger and threw it into her pile of stuff in the corner of my room.  Subtlety was never a strong suit for Cera.
    “Fine.” I said it in the most cheery way I could.  Cera launched into her latest gossip and I tried hard to listen to it, but in all honesty I didn’t care.  I sat on my bed and she continued to go through my closet.  I stared out through the window and muttered a few, “yeahs!” and “mhmms” in her direction at the appropriate times.  I stared out the window, my eyes were fixed on the sewer cap in the middle of the cul-de-sac and I could feel myself slipping into a pool of my own thoughts. 
A pair of feet ran past the sewer cap and broke my concentration.  I was jolted from my trance and got up to see whom the Nikes belonged to.  I got to the window and saw that it was the one person I did not want to see.
    It was Jason.  No. I exclaimed to myself.  I could not let him suck me in.  I turned to Cera who was looking at me with an expression of worry and curiosity.  I stumbled back to my bed and tried to make her go back to the closet, but she was already at the window.
    “Damn.”  She continued to stare outside.  I wish she would just turn away and go back to gossiping.  I really didn’t feel like discussing Jason Dragson right now.  Cera would never stop talking about Jason if she started.  “I don’t know why you never went after him.” Now she was being ridiculous.  “I mean, Rachel is a bitch, and if Jason should be with anybody it should be you.”  Her words made a little piece of me perk up, but then I stuffed that feeling back down.
    “Cera, you know that would never happen.”  She dropped her arms from the closet and closed the distance between her and the bed.  She plopped down and looked me straight in the eye.  Her dark brown eyes looked at my pale blue ones with what looked like sadness.  Is she sad for me? 
    Cera tucked her crimson hair behind her ear and let out a sigh of exasperation.
    “What?” I looked at her incredulously. 
    “It’s just…” She trailed off and started to pick imaginary fuzz off of her jeans.
    “Just what?”
    “You are so pretty, and smart and fun and any guy would be lucky to have you.” Her eyes came back and met mine. “If you wanted to have Jason, he would be the luckiest guy in the world.  Because Lily, you’re fantastic and you can’t even see it.”  My mouth opened, but no words came out.  Her words were so genuine, so pure and I could tell that she meant them with all of her heart.. “And the truth is…I’ve always been sort of jealous of you.” Her heart shaped face fell to the floor and her tiny cheeks burned red. I could tell that she was uncomfortable; she didn’t usually speak her feelings like this. 
    But what did Cera have to be jealous of really?  Wasn’t I the girl with really thick hair?  A girl who was always wrapped up in her own thoughts and thought the world was an evil place, except for the genuine people like Cera?
    The truth is, Cera is perfect.  Her features were dainty and gorgeous.  Her chocolate brown eyes were friendly and inviting.  She wasn’t tall—barely five foot four, but she had the attitude of a tiger.  She wouldn’t let anybody walk all over her and she was confidant in who she was.  Her petite features made her very feminine and she always wore the best clothing.  She had no idea, how guys stumbled behind her in the halls, awing.  She walked with confidence, but not the bitchy kind like Rachel.  Cera’s was a walk of determination and grace. 
I was always jealous of how Cera’s hair was the perfect shade of red.  It was deep and sultry, and to be honest it was sexy.  Maybe that’s why the guys stumbled all over themselves just to be near her.
    “What?”  It came out a little above a whisper, but then I slowly regained my voice.  “Cera, you’re crazy.” Her auburn head popped up and a look of pain flashed through her eyes.  Her tiny, plump lips were parted open like she was about to say something but I beat her to it.  “Cera, I’m the furthest thing from fantastic, and all of those other compliments.  You have nothing to be jealous of.”  I held her gaze.  “I’m messed up.  I’m always in my head because my thoughts will never settle down.  I’m moody and grouchy all the time.  You know what happened with my dad, and ever since I’ve been different.  Cera you’re the perfect one in this friendship…” She didn’t let me finish.
    “I am not perfect!” She reacted as if I had insulted her.  What was wrong with perfect?  That is the biggest compliment a teenage girl could receive.  “Lily, come here.” She grabbed me by the wrist and led me to the mirror that was hanging behind my door.  She held me in front of her, and pulled my hair back.  I noticed how my rounded cheeks have become flatter with the loss of my appetite.  My dirty blonde locks entwined in her fingers as she pulled my hair into a ponytail.  Make up hid the tiny, blue underneath my eyes and you could clearly see the exhaustion in my face.  How could Cera think this is pretty?  I started to look away but I felt her tiny fingers forcing me to look forward.
    “Lily, you can’t see what’s right in front of you.  Your dad can’t do anything to you to make you a bad person.  He’s gone and you have nothing to worry about.  Everything I said was true.  I just wish you could see what I see.”  I turned from her grip and hugged her.  My hair fell back behind me and down my back.  Even if I didn’t believe her, Cera always made me feel better.
    “Cera,” I began into her red locks.  I pulled back and looked at her square on.  “Have I told you that you’re my best friend, and I love you.”  A little ache in my heart gave way as she pulled me back in to a hug.
    She broke away suddenly and went back to the window.  “Now tell me…” she began, “why were you staring at that delicious Jason Dragson?” Her vocabulary had always been a little extravagant.  Her eyebrows raised in my direction and she nodded towards the window.
    “No reason…” My voice raised as the word ended.  But from the look on her face I could tell she didn’t believe me. 
    “Lily, you know better than to lie to me.”  She raised her eyebrows again and continued to wait for my explanation.   
    “Cera, I’m not lying to you.  I was in staring mode again and he just ran by that’s all.”  There was no way I could tell Cera that I was thinking about Jason again.  How could I explain my feelings when I don’t even understand them myself?
    “Well Lily, I think he’s hot and we should go say hello.” Before I could stop her, Cera was bounding down the stairs and towards the front door.  “I mean, it’s only polite.”
    “No! Cera, wait!” I chased after her and when I reached the top of the stairs, Cera’s scarlet head was already twisting the front door open. 
    “Jason!” She shouted and bounded outside.  I took the stairs two at a time.  I tripped when I got to the bottom but caught myself just before I wiped out.  Cera had left the door gaping open and I yanked it closed behind me as I chased after her.
    “Cera!” I shouted when I reached the front stoop.  I went further into my front yard and turned to my right.  Cera was in Kevin’s driveway and she was talking to both guys.  Her red head bobbed up and down as she chatted them up.  Confusion occupied every square inch of Kevin’s face, but Jason’s expression was filled with amusement and tolerance.  I slowly walked up to the three and realized just how cold the late January air was.
    But then again, I was in a T-shirt and shorts and I wasn’t wearing any shoes.
    “Oh Lily! Good you found me.”  She smiled brilliantly at me as I slunk up behind her.  Her wink was concealed from the two boys and I just rolled my eyes.  I mentally set her on fire and then fed her to the aliens who have a specific taste for redheads. 
    “You didn’t go that far.”  I mimicked her perky voice, and took a place right next to her and across from Jason.
    “I was just asking them if they were going to try out for the lacrosse team this year.”  She completely ignored my sarcasm and tried to get the conversation back on track.  “Jason said yes, and Kevin is a no.  But that’s not a shocker.”  I turned to her, my eyes so wide I thought my eyes were going to burst out of my skull.  Why did you just say that?! I screamed to her mentally.
    “What is that supposed to mean?” Kevin finally spoke up and his eyebrows were furred together and he had a hurt look on his face.
    “Oh,” Cera put on her most innocent voice.  “I just meant that you’re not really the sports type Kevin.” She was playing this innocent bit for everything it was worth. 
    I tuned them out because I had the strange sense that somebody was watching me.  I looked behind me, and I probably looked like an idiot for doing so, but I couldn’t shake that feeling.  I grabbed my elbows and tried hard to cover up the fact that I had Goosebumps.  I continued to search for the pair of eyes that were responsible for giving me this feeling.  I hated feeling like this; it made me feel weak and helpless and I never wanted to feel that way ever again.  My eyes were suddenly pulled forward because a hand was touching my arm.  I snapped back to see that Jason had stepped closer and was trying to talk to me.  I raised my eyebrows in a gesture to mean, What?
    “You always were so wrapped up in your thoughts.” Jason was joking with me.  And he was referring to when we were kids.  I looked up to see if Cera and Kevin had heard him, but they were still wrapped up in their argument about Kevin’s physical ability, or there lack of.  I noticed that they had moved a couple of feet away from Jason and I as their argument picked up.
    “Oh,” I said it so softly I didn’t know if he heard me.  “Sorry, it’s just…” How do I explain that I could feel somebody watching me?  He would think I was insane, but he probably already thought that.  Plus I was distracted by the fact that he was still touching me.  His hand was placed lightly on my forearm and I was still clutching my elbows.  “Nevermind.”  His questioning look faded and humor replaced it.  And before I knew what was going on, Jason was laughing.  Was he laughing at me?  Had I said something funny?  I didn’t think I had. 
    My eyebrows came together and I gave him an expression that was a cross between confusion and shock.
    When his chuckles died down, my expression had changed; it was one that demanded an explanation for his giggles. 
    He cleared his throat, “Sorry.” But when my expression didn’t change, he knew he had to explain further.  “It’s just funny, because you’re exactly the same.”  He looked down and kicked an imaginary stone in the grass.
    “And what exactly does that mean?”  I stared at him, still waiting for an explanation.
    “You’re still wrapped up in your thoughts all the time.  You don’t hear half of the words anybody says to you.  You never finish your thoughts.”  He stopped and looked up from the stupid, invisible stone.  “It’s reassuring to know that some people never change.”  Was that supposed to be a compliment?  Was he trying to be friendly?  Was this boy who completely left me for another girl, trying to get chummy with me? No.  He couldn’t do this. 
    After all of this time, Jason Dragson was trying to be nice?  Boys are so stupid.  You can’t just come over here and compliment me, pretending we were friends! No! No, no, no, no, no… Jason was just messing with my mind.  When we’re back at school, I would become that girl who hated his girlfriend. 
    In my coldest voice I said, “How do you know I haven’t changed?”  Confusion and surprise glided across his face.  Good, he had every reason to be surprised.  I wasn’t some girl who was going to fawn all over herself at the thought of being complimented by Jason Dragson.  I was better than those pathetic girls were.  “You haven’t talked to me for years.  I could be a psychotic murderer for all you know.”  I practically spat the words at him.
    I hadn’t been prepared for what happened next.  I had practically thrown my words in his face.  I tried so hard to hurt him with them, but he just laughed.  He was laughing at me again.
    Anger seeped into my blood and spread to every limb. 
    “Cera!” Cera and Kevin’s argument halted and I was trying to contain my anger, before I lashed out and strangled Jason.  “We need to get inside.  I’m freezing.”  I drained my words of emotion.  I could feel her start to protest to I walked over and grabbed her by the wrist.
    When I turned back to my house, Jason stood in my path.  He bent over and whispered in my ear, “You would never hurt a fly.  Let alone murder them.”  The nerve this guy has!  I just shot a dirty look at him in response. 
    I stepped around him and pulled Cera along side me.  She didn’t talk or look back—but I did.  When we reached my front steps I threw a look over my shoulder full of contempt and anger.  Jason stood there and when he saw me turn back he smiled and then he winked.  At least I thought he did, maybe my mind just made it up.  Regardless I gave a sigh and stomped inside.  I pushed all thoughts of Jason, our past friendship and his mocking tone out of my head.  When we reached my room again, I yanked the blinds down and relentless sunlight poured through the cracks.  I turned a light on and turned on Cera.
    Her face was innocent, but I felt like I was going to explode.  Slowly I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding since Jason’s ‘wink.’  As the air escaped between my pout lips, the anger seeped through as well.  When I turned around to Cera who was propped atop my bed, I was no longer angry.  I wasn’t feeling anything at all actually.  I was numb and even my brain didn’t feel like working. 
    It was still too caught up in the events that just happened.  How long had we been out there?  Why did Jason feel the need to bring up the past?  I was perfectly content just standing there in an awkward silence.  Why was I thinking about Jason right now?  That’s when I decided it.
    Jason had this effect on me.  He clouded my judgement and made me do stupid, reckless things.  I would have to cut Jason out of my life forever.  Things had to go back to the way they were before this week.  I wouldn’t see him around the neighborhood; I wouldn’t look at him on the internet.  Nothing.  Jason Dragson could be as good as dead for all it mattered to me.